I was coaching today and something a client said stayed with me.
We were talking about women playing golf, and she noticed how often women talk themselves down on the course. I hear it all the time as well. Things like “I’m bad”, “I can’t learn this”, or “I’m just not sporty or talented enough.”
It made me stop and think about why we speak to ourselves this way, and why we feel embarrassed when things don’t go to plan or when our results don’t match our expectations. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that we always need to be better, and that what we are doing right now isn’t quite enough.
It’s something I’ve had to work through myself. Practices like meditation, gratitude, and compassion have helped shift that pattern over time. The mind is trainable, and the more we notice the good, the more natural it becomes.
I’m still working on it, and that’s okay. These days it feels less about getting everything right, and more about being present and appreciating the moment I’m in.
I hope you find something in these emails that feels useful or resonates in your own way.
A small adjustment
This week’s practice is a simple one.
Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
Over the next couple of weeks, see if you can notice one sentence when it comes up. It might be something like “I’m bad at this” or “I can’t do it.” When you catch it, pause and mentally put it in quotation marks, almost like you’re stepping back and recognising it as a familiar voice.
Then ask yourself if you would say that to someone you care about. If the answer is no, soften it slightly. Instead of “I’m terrible at this,” try “I’m learning, and it’s allowed to take time.” Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “This is hard right now, and I’m still here.”
To finish, find one thing you’re grateful for. It might be a single shot, the fresh air, the company, or simply the fact that you kept going. It doesn’t need to be perfect. Just notice, soften, and shift your attention, even a little.
From the Course
This is something I understand quite deeply. Growing up, my dad was very driven when it came to sport. If I didn’t come first, it didn’t feel like enough, and even when I did win, it often still wasn’t. Those patterns stayed with me and played a big role in why I burned out from golf so early.
Even now, those thoughts can still show up. Last year I was playing a tennis match and not playing very well, and I could feel those old thoughts coming back. This time though, I noticed them. It was like hearing them from the outside, rather than being completely caught up in them.
In that moment, I chose not to follow them. I shifted my focus to enjoying the game and being grateful to be there. It was a small moment, but an important one. Since then, I’ve been able to come back to that place more often. Not always, but more than before.
I might not be quite as competitive as I once was, but that feels okay now. I’m enjoying the experience more, and that matters more to me.
What I’m Exploring Right Now
Right now I am really exploring different types of guided meditations.
I am using different guides to help get my thoughts into the direction I want them. Less judgement and more compassion, towards myself and others is the goal at the moment.
I’m using meditatehappier.com
